SEXLESS MARRIAGE

Sex is inevitable activity for the continuance of human being. No one can imagine the existence of human being without having sex. Love and sex are both integral part and walk together.

Sex begins with sexual attraction, one’s first feeling of sexual attraction may occur as early as 9 to 12 years of teenage with inception of sexual fantasies occurring several months or so. This type of sexual development may be followed by a surge of sexual interest and attractions.  

What is sexual attraction?

 

Sexual attraction is the erotic feeling in which an individual whether male or female feel that causes them to desire sexual contact with other person of opposite sex. Various biological, psychological and emotional factors influence the sexual desire.

Sexual attraction is the desire to be sexual or to engage in sexual activities like masturbation, oral sex, vaginal intercourse, anal stimulation or anal intercourse. Sexual attraction varies from person to person. Some individuals have a high attraction, while some others have no desire to engage in sexual activities.

Sexual attraction and sexual activities are very natural. Since childhood these begin in human being of all gender. These feeling are as natural as oxygen to breath, food and water to survive. Everyone knows and understand  that all humans come through sexual reproduction, they watched others in their social group have intercourse and through instinct, emulation and they felt good and they got the job done.

Does sexual attraction leads to marriage?

 

Though, sex is the natural and very common feeling and interest of everyone.  Nowadays, in many culture, religion, civilisation, sex without attraction or without consent from adult partner is prohibited. This  type of intercourse fall in the category of fornication.  

If  we discuss about sex in Stone age, or before civilisation. Perhaps there was no specific system of male female relationship. So many male and female used to live all together in loosely organised groups, many women shared by them, even woman was free to choose any man of her choice for intercourse. In this type of relationship, when women used to become mother, it would had been difficult to identify the exact biological father of that child.

As the passed and with  the demand of change.  As male leaders of hunter gatherers settle down into agrarian civilisation had a need for more stable and systematic arrangements of living together for love, sex, and intercourse. Perhaps this was the beginning of family institution or marriage.

According to various surveys the origin of marriage dates well before recorded history, but the earliest recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia. Over the next several hundred years, marriage evolved into a widespread institution embraced by ancient societies and cultures.

Importance of marriage

 

Marriage is an important institution in society, as it fulfils the entire functions of socialisation of the eligible male and female and socially accepted reproduction of the next generation. Marriage is also essential for the cohesion and social solidarity of  civilised society.

Marriage also fulfils the desire of sex along with the love and attraction in legal, family, and socially accepted manner. In marriage sex becomes significant in ensuring the longevity of a relationship.

Type of marriage

 

Since the beginning of long time relationship between man and  woman. The term of marriage introduced. Marriage is a universal social institution. Nowadays it is found and exist in almost every culture and societies. 

Types or forms of marriage may varies in different communities, cultural, religion according to their customs, practice and system.

There may be several types of marriage exists, mainly few of them are as follows—

Monogamy

 

Monogamy is considered as an ideal, widespread and rational type of marriage, it is found in all civilised societies. It refers to a marriage of one man with one woman at a time. This type of marriage supposed to be life long, unbreakable in nature.

Polygyny

 

In polygyny  marriage there are more than one partner. A man can marry with more than one woman. In this marriage one or more women share the same husband.

Polyandry

 

Polyandry is opposite of Polygyny marriage, in this system of marriage woman marry with multiple men. Normally polyandry occurs between a woman and brothers, this system refers to as fraternal polyandry. One reason that polyandry might be the preferred marriage pattern for a particular group is if there a shortage of women or family land is scarce. In this system of marriage multiple men  share the single wife.

Endogamy

 

Endogamy is as same as group-in marriage. In this system a man can marry with a woman of same group at a time, and woman of this group can marry with a man belonging to the same group. According to sociologist Dr Rivers, call it as a kind of sexual communism.

Benefits of marriage

 

Sex is the main part of marriage along with love, care, and intimacy of happy marriage and relationship. Regular sex can also offer benefits for physical and psychological health including lowering stress, good sound sleep and immune function. Both married man and woman deserve to feel sexy, safe, and happy. Marriage also saves both the partner from various problems, few of them are --

Protection from sexually transmitted diseases.

Provides respect in society and family.

Keep away from being feel loneliness.

It saves children too from violence and sexual abuse.

Marriage keeps away both the partner from violence and sexual abuse.

Marriage is good for mental health.

Married couples are less depressed, less anxious than single, divorced or widowed.

 

Why do marriages become Sexless

 

Though sex is permitted and socially accepted in marriage institution, sexual relation is integral part of marriage, it strength the relationship between couples, it bring them more closer, creates sexual pleasure.

It is surprising that marriage can become sexless. Marriage is license to intercourse between married couples. Sometimes it happens that, there is no or very little sexual relation between married couples.

The US National Health and Social Life Survey in 1992 found that 2% of married respondents aged 18 to 59 reported no sexual intimacy in the past year. Comparatively 92% of married respondents aged 65 to 80 reported no sexual intimacy in the past year.

The definition of a non-sexual marriage is often broadened to include those where sexual intimacy occurs fewer than 10 times per year, in which case 20 percent of the couples in the National Health and Social Life Survey would be in the category. Other studies show that 10% or less of the married population below age 50 have not had sex in the past year. In addition less than 20% reports having sex a few times per year, or even monthly, under the age 40.

When this type of situation arises, this type of marriage alliance is called Sexless marriage. But this situation has to keep in mind also that temporary, no or very little sex due to normal illness, pregnancy, out of station tours due to work, any essential engagement in family or any similar reasons, would not be considered as sexless marriage.  

Reasons for sexless marriage

 

What abnormal happens, when couple feel that their marriage is a sexless marriage. There might be various reasons with man as well as woman, few of them might be as follows –

Physical health

 

Healthy sex life need healthy sexual partner. A partner’s overall physical health can have major impact on their sexual intimacy. If any partner is suffering from chronic or prolong physical health problem like high blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis. Due to any prolong disease if any one of partner is unable to take part in sexual activities, it may lead to sexless marriage.  

Male Sexual dysfunction

 

It is very common health problem nowadays, it effects men of all ages. It is the inability to get and keep an erection of penis firmly for sexual intercourse. Due to this situation, Female partner gets irritated and refuse to take part in sexual activities and the marriage convert into sexless marriage.  

Premature ejaculation

 

It occurs when a man engage in intercourse with his wife has an orgasm and ejaculates earlier than his wife. It is very common problem among couples. Normally females take more time to get excited, and sexually satisfy much later than her man. It is very irritating for them if man ejaculates very early without satisfying their sexual desire. Sometimes women start to avoid this type of man for sexual intercourse.

Psychological causes

 

Along with genital parts of couple, brain  also contribute a lot in love making and intercourse. If any partner is facing mental problems, it will defiantly create problem in relationship. Mental health issues have also been linked to a decline in sexual desire and arousal. Specific issues might cause changes in brain chemistry that decrease sexual desire. Mental health issues also include –

Tension

Stress

Depression

Anxiety

Eating disorder

Personality disorder

Less or no  interest  in sex.

Vaginismus

 

Vaginismus is the situation in which female’s vagina is unable to take penis or other object inside due to contraction and tighten up of vaginal nerves. This is automatic reaction to fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration.

Due to this fear woman avoid to take part in sexual activities, and this situation irritate her sexual partner.

Unwanted marriage

 

Unwanted marriage -- Sometime this type of situation arises when marriage is done due to family, social pressure, but in actual, both are not interested in marriage, husband might be gay.

 

 and wife is lesbian.

 

Both don’t have sexual interest in opposite sex. Both are not sexually satisfied, this leads to sexless relation.

Sexual abuse

 

If before marriage, woman is sexually abused in her childhood, teenage, she always feel fear to have sexual relation even with her legally married husband, due to shame and family problems, she find herself unable to discuss this problem with anyone. Normal sex is felt like sexual abuse, and she can’t get ready herself for sex and intercourse.

Communication problem

 

When the couples are in conflict and arguments, due to any issue, it can be difficult to maintain physical intimacy, sexual relationship. Even they might not feel like talking to their partner. Communication issues may be due to various reasons, few of those are—

Ego problem

Negative feeling

Punitive or passive and aggressive behaviours

Power struggles

Addiction of pornography

Extra marital affair

Female sexual dysfunction

 

Sex might be boring and useless due to female sexual dysfunction, and may lead to sexless marriage. Following causes  might  also be considered for sexless marriage --

Low sexual desire and response

Lack of orgasm

Sexual arousal disorder

Dryness in vagina

Preference to masturbation

Persistent, recurrent problems with sexual response, sexual desire, orgasm,

Depression

Emotional divorce

Mismatched libidos

Disadvantages of sexless marriage

 

Happy marriage means a lot of happiness, emotional attachment, full love, support and care between spouse, their children, and other family members. Sexual activities bring two partners closer for life long.  But when there is absolutely no sex or very little sex between partners, it might ruin happy married life. Couples  becomes more like roommates than spouses.

Partner start to feel -- less emotional, physical intimacy is needed for couples to strength their emotional relationship. In lack of this couples may also have less intense emotional connection.

Acrimony – when any one of the partner feels that the need for physical intimacy are being ignored, for any reason- someone might develop acrimony, which can ruin their relationship.

Repudiation – Physical intimacy brings spouse closer, when someone feels that their need is  being  denied, for any reason , they might feel repudiation, which might affect their relationship adversely .

Infidelity – Sexless marriage might be the main reason of infidelity, that drive partners to look outside their relationship, here it is to clear that less sex or no sex does not justify infidelity, but it might happens.

Cheating – Sexless marriage is surely a prominent reason for cheating. Quit often sexual desire compels people to fulfil their need from anyone else other than spouse. So they take the risk of cheating reason is they can’t live without sex.  It might be that cheaters are still in love and affection with their partner, or never want to miss out on time with their children. While some couples recover from their affairs, but for few, cheating may lead to relationship breaker that ends the relationship.

How to deal with sexless marriage

 

Happy  marriage sometime change into sexless marriage, due to many factors and reasons.

Every time to blame spouse is not the solution for sexless marriage. Sex is very personal activity between married couple. If no sex in married life, It may look very normal but it effect a lot adversely.

Sexless relationship need to be resolved as soon as possible, otherwise in few cases it might create acute problem, which may lead to separation or divorce.   

It’s not the issue which can’t be resolved. The necessity is that both the partners are agree and willing to solve. Few tips might be helpful –

Caring approach – Sex needs intimacy, love, care. Every time blaming, shouting, accusation would never divert your spouse to come closer and interested in sex. So in soft voice communicate your need and desire to your spouse, it could lead to a healthier, happier sex life and happy marriage.  

Sex or emotional connection – Many males don’t even understand that what comes first, sex or emotions, generally observed that females are tender in nature, they needs to be emotionally connected to have sex. Males presume that she just needs to open her legs and accept him always. They think that to fulfil domestic, economical needs is enough for sex. Perhaps not, wife needs respect, love, care, dignity. After all she legally married person, she got her own respect in neighbourhood, society.  She can’t acts like a prostitute. So man needs to understand that how to provide her all those feeling for which she deserve.

Find out the reason of sexless marriage – Before reaching on any sexual problem, first identify the problem, it normally happens that the real issues don’t be discussed, any one hide the real problem and discuss about other’s evils and shortcomings. So before reaching on any conclusion first try to find out the real source of reason due to that, marriage is sexless.

Tackle the major problems – less sex or no sex definitely causes marriage issue, it might be possible that the sexual problems are an outermost feeling of a more pervasive problem in married life. Be calm and discuss the problem with your spouse in pleasant way.

 

To Conclude – Everyone have to keep in mind that life is not ever lasting, after completing proper education, building strong career, man and woman enter into married life. Both enjoy healthy sexual life and have children. Then it becomes complete family. Good sex, intimacy, love and care are the few essentials of healthy relationship. If due to any reason there is less or no sex between souse, best way is to sit together, discuss about the sexual need and desire of each other, spend quality time together. This is the common practice in married life that the more sex you have, the more sex you want. Every problem has suitable solution provided it is properly discussed in pleasant manner, without blaming or shouting at each other. Advice might be taken from parents, elders or from expert counsellor. Remember – cheating, separation or divorce is not the only solution of sexless marriage.       

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FAQ –

What is sexless marriage ?

A sexless marriage is family and socially accepted marital union in which very little or no sexual activity occurs between the spouses.

Can spouses live happy in sexless marriage ?

It depends on the mind set and attitude of couples, few adjust themselves with the time,  they divert their attention from sex. Engage themselves in meditation, yoga, spend more time in family and social activities.

Does sexless marriage effects adversely ?

In few cases, this can lead to the psychological effects, various health problems like Depression, Anxiety, Irritation, Anger can become common consequences of a sexless marriage. 

Can the problem of sexless marriage be resolved?

Yes, it is not any kind of incurable problem, it can be resolved with help of change in attitude, behaviour, help of expert advice, family counselling etc.

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Sources -- jitensxnblogs / jitensxn.com has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer reviewed studies, academic research institutions, related books and journals. we always avoid using inauthentic references.

https://en.wikipedia.org

https://www.healthline.com

https://www.betterhelp.com

https://verywellmind.com

 

Disclaimer – This article/blog is for information purpose only. But by no means it is a complete and exhaustive explanation on the whole topic. This blog is intended  for individual of 18 years or older. This blog does not answer any personal question or provide any kind of sex advice, nor it  is intended as a substitute for therapy.